As I’ve mentioned in previous posts, I believe that being the support for someone struggling with infertility can be a battle of its own. Like anything else, if you haven’t been through the situation yourself it can be difficult to fully understand or sympathize with. So I have put together a small list of things that most women and men struggling with infertility would probably want you to know.
- It’s seriously hard. When a couple is trying to start a family, the thought of it literally consumes you. It seems like everything we do reminds us of the struggle we are experiencing. Whether it’s being seated next to that adorable young family at a restaurant or walking by the baby section in any store, the hurt is always there. Some are more vocal about it (myself) and some keep quiet, like Mike. It doesn’t mean the pain isn’t there, some are just better at hiding it.
- For the love of God, don’t tell me when we stop trying, it will happen. I know there are those special cases you hear about where a couple calls it quits after 8 years of trying, and end up getting pregnant with twins. Though I am over the rainbow happy for them, it doesn’t mean it’s going to work that way for everyone. If it’s not happening when I am spending thousands for artificial insemination, then there is a good chance it is NOT going to happen when I “stop trying”.
- We know adoption is an option. I wouldn’t say we are opposed to adopting a child, but disregarding our yearning for our own flesh and blood can be hurtful. I want the chance to have a child that is the perfect mix of me and the person I love more than life itself. With Mikes eyes and Bostonian accent (how cute would that be?). With that all aside, adoption is expensive and can cost upwards of $35,000. I don’t know about you, but we don’t have that kind of cash hanging around.
- Please don’t tell us everything happens for a reason/It’s all part of Gods plan. I don’t think I have to go too much into detail about this one for anyone to understand why it would be hurtful. What did one have to do to have the blessing of being a mother or father taken away from them? What reason could there possibly be that any couple should have to endure this. Please, just don’t say it.
- Yes, I am happy for you new Mommies. I’m just sad for me. Please don’t feel hesitant to share your excitement when you see two lines on that test. And don’t skip over my name when making the guest list for your baby shower. Some days are harder than others, and I may feel a little heartache when I find out. (Is it just me, or is EVERYONE pregnant right now??) But I promise I am so happy for you, and I want to be included in the celebrating.
- Infertility is friggin’ expensive. Many (most) insurance companies do not cover any infertility related treatment. One single round of IVF (In Vitro Fertilization) Can cost anywhere between $12,000 and $15,000. Many women need to do several rounds before conceiving. And that is only one factor of treatment. Don’t forget blood work, ultrasounds, infertility medication, etc. This alone can ruin anyone’s dream of being a parent.
- Your concern, love, and support is more than appreciated. Thank you, thank you, for being there for us. It’s more important than you know. Please don’t stop trying to understand, or giving us a shoulder to lean on. <3
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