When you’re desperate to get pregnant, you’re desperate to get pregnant. You will buy, try, partake, in just about ANYTHING that gives you the slightest amount of hope. Hope that will end with a plus sign on a pee stick. So, I’ve decided to throw together a list of common things that I see in support groups and online forums, and a few of which I’ve probably tried myself, so YOU guys can see how cuckoo we are. Or maybe you are part of the mad house and will laugh as you secretly think * SHIT, I’ve tried that*.
Download Apps to track your Period and Ovulation
We seriously become obsessed with our cycle, no joke. As if mentally keeping track isn’t bad enough, we download apps so we can visually stalk our period as well. There are spaces for you to track menstrual cycle, mood, baby dancing, water intake, vitamins. The possibilities are endless. Unless you’re like me and you’re so irregular that the app gives up on you. I’m not kidding, there was literally a huge question mark under “days until menstrual cycle”. Now, I am not saying these apps are not helpful. I used it the whole two years we were trying to conceive. But sometimes I think we spend so much time stressing about the position of our cervix that it becomes a job.
Eating Fertility Miracle Foods
Make sure you eat your pineapple!
And pomegranate juice, and Brazilian nuts. Because they WILL make that egg implant, and you WILL get pregnant. Sounds legitimate, right? If it was as easy as eating pineapple the 5 days leading up to ovulation, then why would anyone have to spend thousands on IVF? The truth is, no matter how crazy this sounds, we all try it. Well because, #desperate.
Doing the “DEED” on a very strict schedule
Nothing takes the passion out of love-making, quite like dictating when you can or CAN’T do it. Depending on what your Doctor says, you may be told to baby dance every other day, or possibly EVERY day, once you get that positive ovulation test. I already have one full-time job… I’m all set with another.
Speaking of ovulation tests,
Having an unrealistic amount of Pregnancy and Ovulation tests
We’ve all done it. We’ve gone on to Amazon or Ebay and bought that HUGE pack of ovulation tests that come in little individually wrapped packages. And we used every. single. one. Most likely within a couple of months too (because we cray-cray). I actually have a designated box in my bathroom filled with them. Not that you won’t find them in other places throughout the house. Because you never know when the urge will strike, to pee on a stick. I’m actually guilty of having them in my purse and taking one in the bathroom at work to see the status on my progressively darker blue line. Some of us even tape them to a piece of paper and line them up with the dates next to them to see if there is a difference. Am I alone here? No? Yes? Cuckoo?
We have our own language
TTC, IVF, BD, 7DPO, PFP, WTF?? Ladies who are new to online support groups can become seriously confused. I know I was when I first joined them. There were so many acronyms flying around that I literally thought I had crossed over into an alternate universe and there was a whole new language being spoken. I’d say I actually wasn’t too far off. There are so many acronyms that are used in the TTC (trying to conceive) community that I almost feel like there should be a dictionary for it. Future blog post?
Google is our savior
Damn google. It is an enabler of my psychotic behaviors. No matter what insane question I ask it, there is always an answer available by ANOTHER crazy TTC lady. I can literally ask ” Am I pregnant if I have a cramp on my left side at 7:26 pm after eating 2 slices of pizza and petting my dog”. And I promise you someone has already asked it, and I will get my answer. Google has also diagnosed me with stage 3 testicular cancer, so. 🤷🏻♀️
Field Goal Legs!
This is both ridiculous and disturbing, but anyone who has perused the TTC community has seen it. Keep those butts lifted and legs in the air. Because even though there is no scientific information to back it up, laying there after will definitely help you get pregnant. *rolls eyes* And you become an Olympic gymnast in the process. Win, win!
Do I have line eyes?
We will straight up do anything in our power to see that second line on a pregnancy test. Including, but not limited to:
- Ripping the test apart. Because maybe the plastic on the outside is masking the second line, and if it’s not there we can see it better.
- Inverting the color of the picture. because looking at it in black and white takes out all the shades of grey?
- posting 46 pictures of the same test, at different angles (with your ring on it to sharpen the lines), On a TTC support page, because you’re hoping someone else see’s the line too.
Combination of supplements taken at a specific times
Did you know if you take Metformin with Inositol and Geritol (a multi vitamin) at 6 pm every day, your odds of becoming pregnant increase? It just has the perfect combination of vitamins in it (that every other multi vitamin has). Yeah, me neither. Totally unbelievable that a vitamin would make that big of a difference. Yet somehow a bottle of Geritol ended up in my bathroom closet. (How’d that get there?) Sorry ladies, that one didn’t work for me either.
The bottom line is this. We so desperately want to be parents that we are willing to try just about any myth out ourselves, just in case there is that 1% chance that it will help. If it helps to keep us (slightly) sane, then I guess it did help after all. Right? Stay strong!!
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