I’ve been doing a lot of soul-searching lately.
I find that sometimes it’s really easy for [us] to forget how lucky we are. The truth is, I make all these plans and resolutions about how I am going to “fix” myself and I never actually get around to doing it. I just kind of acknowledge the qualities about myself that I don’t like, wish that I didn’t do/have them, and continue on with my day. I never actually take the steps to work on it.
Now, I’m not talking about shallow, physical, visual, qualities. I have actually been doing really well in that department. My progress towards self love has definitely been taking strides in the right direction. I’m not anywhere near where I want to be, but I can at least look in the mirror without picking my every feature apart.
I’m talking about much deeper soul-searching. The qualities that go right down to my core that make me the being that I am. Some days, I can honestly say I really just don’t like myself, or more so I’m disappointed. I’m over-run with negativity, envy, self loathing. I take for granted the joys in my life that I am SO fortunate to have, when many others aren’t quite as lucky. I let my hormones get the best of me and I take my frustrations out on loved ones. I constantly compare myself to others, which in turn makes me further evaluate my own self worth. I JUDGE others, when I have no idea what their story is. How do you shut this off? How do you completely reassess your every thought, action, and opinion to mold it from the person you are to the person you yearn to be?
I crave the positive energy radiating off of the 21-year-old woman who I met today. The one who has finally completed an entire round of chemotherapy. The one who had a mastectomy after finding out she had an aggressive form breast cancer. The woman who is here to find out if that cancer is gone. If she can exuberant pure happiness and joy after enduring more in her 21 years of life than some will ever experience in their entire being, than what the hell do I have to be negative about?
I’m not saying I’m a monster, if that’s how it’s coming across. It’s little things. Like passing judgment on someone before knowing what they are going through. Or getting SO much road rage on my way home from work that I stay angry for hours after. Or failing at talking about my emotions and letting my feelings build up over time, creating an outward explosion when I finally break down. These are things that need to be worked on.
So how do you become the person that you want to be?
You stop making excuses, and you JUST DO IT.
You stop passing judgement on strangers, and you give them the benefit of the doubt until they give you reason not to. And when they make you question your trust and judgement, you forgive them. Because grudges will only hurt you and your own progress in the long run.
You never take a day for granted. Tomorrow is never promised. And even if it was, why would you waste today?
You take chances and try new things. Because there is a whole wide world of adventure that is waiting for you to experience it.
You eat healthy and exercise your beautiful, strong body. The better you maintain it, the happier it will be. Think about all the ways it shows you love every single day. (But on the other hand, never ever pass the opportunity for a great piece of cake.)
Stop talking about other people. What does that say about your character?
You need to do what makes you happy. If you have to do things that don’t feel good in your soul to impress someone else, they are not worth impressing. Do yourself the favor of letting them go.
The only person who can create the positive energy I am craving so deeply is myself. I can’t look to love ones to help me, and it’s not something I am going to find through material things, social media, or fitting into a smaller jeans. It has to come from within, and I’m going to have to work for it. I’ve already started making those changes, and I can feel it’s already worth it.
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